


The Scent and the Fury

by kronette



Category: Red Dwarf
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-09
Updated: 2012-10-09
Packaged: 2017-11-16 00:27:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/533453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kronette/pseuds/kronette
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Not based on anything in particular. Avoiding writing on the longer stories, this popped into my head tonight. Cat's POV. Written 12 January 2012.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Scent and the Fury

It took time to adjust to the smell.

The big ship Monkey called _Red Dwarf_ , smelled of _home._ It was familiar, comforting and had plenty of territory that he could claim as his.

When they lost the big ship and had to live in the littler green ship _Starbug_ , it had taken him weeks to get used to the unfamiliar smells. No matter how often he claimed things as his, his scent would evaporate or be destroyed by the stench of Monkey's food.

One good thing, the _only_ good thing, he could say about Goalpost Head was that he didn't stink. His hologram whatsit gave off the faintest of teasing scents, more like a sneeze that sneaked up on you than anything he could find in the Cat dictionary.

Butter-pat Head had the oddest scent, of engines and laundry soap and washing up liquid. At least he was useful; he'd helped him improve his sewing to make more stylish outfits out of last season's frocks. Butter-pat Head was the most valuable member of the crew, besides himself, of course.

Monkey and Goalpost Head were okay, but their combined smell still caused his hackles to rise. Their scents had been merging for a long time, though they didn't seem to know it. They bickered, but didn't do any other courtship rituals. No flowers, no candy, no poems or love songs. Just annoyance, yelling, jokes and threats. It was tiresome.

That morning, when he walked into the cockpit, Cat took a deep breath and sighed. "It's about time," he declared as he flounced into his chair, giving Rimmer and Lister a stern look.

Lister's eyes flicked back to Rimmer, who flushed. Lister stared at him, voice just a bit higher than normal. "What's about time? What are you on about, Cat?"

He shot them both an incredulous look. "You two. You've been at this courtship for almost five years, yet you never sent flowers or candy, or any presents at all! You monkeys are strange."

"What are you blathering on about?" Rimmer snapped, though Cat could smell the fear and anxiety pouring off of him.

He physically leaned back as if the fear was buffeting him in waves. "Relax, Goalpost Head. I'm just happy you two finally did it. Now that your scent is stable, I can finally get some rest. I've been traumatized these past few years, having to deal with your odd scents mingling and pulling away."

"Our _scent_?" Lister questioned, confusion and fear wafting from him. "Are you saying we smell?"

"Buddy," Cat shook his head and began pressing the prettiest buttons on his panel, "You two smell so bad separately, that together it should have been disgusting. But it's actually kind of nice. I don't get why it took you so long to figure it out, though. Cat relationships only last four days. You two have managed to last five years!"

It was quiet for a few minutes, then Rimmer's cautious voice asked, "You don't mind our…smell…then?"

Cat twirled his chair to stare at the hologram in confusion. "Why would I mind? You two have one of the nicest merged scents I've ever smelled!"

An odd look crossed Rimmer's features. It took Cat a minute to catalog it. It was a smile. A matching one stretched Lister's mouth.

Cat shook his head, muttered, "Monkeys," and went back to pressing the buttons.

The End


End file.
